Accepting ourselves through laughter – Lesley Ann Raphael
It’s with an equal measure of gratitude, pride and trepidation that I am sitting at my keyboard to write my first blog as a Laughterlines Coaching Associate. Gratitude and pride because I deeply respect and feel on the same wavelength as Lisa and all that she believes in and stands for; and I appreciate her willingness to include me. Trepidation because of that old devil we all know: the fear of self-expression and putting oneself “out there”.
Reflecting on this, I realise how much my own laughter journey has helped me with feelings of inadequacy and “not good enough”. Because when we laugh with genuine mirth, we are being both authentic and vulnerable. In our moment of laughter our ego drops away, we are transported beyond fearful, safe constraint and into the boldness of stepping forward to meet the world as our true selves, naked and unprotected. In that moment of uninhibited laughter we run the risk of being rejected, ridiculed or put down; but it is also the moment where we can be truly accepted and make a real connection with others.
Seeking Connections
Isn’t that what we all yearn for? Acceptance and connection? Yet most of the time it can be hard to fathom how on earth to achieve these simple but profound longed-for states of being. Laughter offers an easy way. At any moment when playfulness bubbles up, we can allow ourselves to express our natural laughter and to share it with whoever we are with – someone we know well, or even a stranger. In having that invitation reciprocated a powerful message is received: I am ok; I am likeable; I am accepted; I am enough.
Simply smiling
We can start to practise “putting ourselves out there” with simple smiles. I went for a walk on the promenade, and on the outward journey I simply stayed with myself in my own space, enjoying the views of frothing sea and scudding clouds across the sky, and the pleasant body sensations of taking exercise and breathing the fresh air. But on the return journey along the path, I sought out eye contact with others travelling in the opposite direction, and when connection was made I smiled. I found people instantly smiling back and offering brief conversational exchanges. “What a lovely day!” And to receive those smiles, the warmth that was returned, felt really good. I felt accepted, and “good enough”.
Humorous happenings
Moving from smiling to laughing with strangers is just another step forward. Simple humorous situations may offer themselves up naturally. I get out my purse to pay for an item in the DIY store: my keys come out with it, together with a pen, and fall to the floor. In the past, I would have just bent to pick them up, feeling slightly self-conscious at my clumsiness or the fact I was holding up the queue behind me. Now, I seek the situation as an opportunity for a little bit of playfulness. “I just thought I’d throw everything on the floor for a bit of attention,” I explain candidly to the shop assistant, shrugging, and laughing. He laughs too, “Yeah, go ahead, we all love attention!” he chuckles. The lady behind me pipes up “He doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to throw all these rolls of wallpaper up in the air when its my turn!” We are all laughing, we all feel connected, we all like each other. For a fleeting moment, we feel like we are best buddies. Strange, how these unexpectedly little moments of fun and laughter and connectedness are some of the best moments in life.
Laughing when there’s nothing to laugh at
But it doesn’t even stop there. We don’t have to wait for an external opportunity for humour before we allow our playful laughter to come out. We can just laugh, for no reason. “Boy, it’s cold today!” I say to someone, on a different walk. And I laugh. There is nothing intrinsically funny about unpleasant weather, yet we can still choose to laugh despite adversity and sure enough the other walker readily laughs back. “Yes, I’ve got my thermals on today!” she shares, and we laugh louder. “Don’t get blown away!” we call to each other as we part company, still chortling. Simple playful exchanges, that continue to reinforce the message: it is ok to express ourselves. We are good enough. We are accepted.
Laughter helps
So, in facing a crisis of confidence when lifting my fingers over the keyboard to start my blog, I change tack and instead head out to the nearby shops for a few things I was going to get afterwards. I smile at each person I meet, I offer little exchanges of laughter in the aisles, at the counter, and even with the man cleaning cars outside in the carpark, who understands little English but can still understand laughter. The world smiles back at me and accepts my simple little offers to play and laugh. And I return with my self-confidence restores. I AM ok. I CAN do this.
Laughing with Life
Finally, at the keyboard once again, I laugh on my own. How silly of me to have been daunted at the thought of writing a laughter blog! I laugh not at myself but WITH myself, with love, with self-acceptance, with joy at my humanness. Laughter has restored me once again and brought me one step further on my journey to greater confidence and self-love .
